Trust The Process.

Trust The Process.

“There’s nothing more humbling than being a creative person, because you constantly feel like a failure”

 

This line is from my favorite show Nashville and it’s always just there in the back of my head. Now let me dissect this. Being any sort of creative person is a very humbling thing, the whole journey through is very humbling. When you’re a creative, anything from a songwriter, photographer, videographer, dancer, painter… literally anything in the arts. Fearing failure is so real in any field of art, because we are always told growing up if we are creative and want to pursue a career in the arts it’s a one in a million chance you make it. Of course there is always going to be that fear but when you’re actually pursuing it and living through it… through the ups and downs there are moments where you will feel like a failure… In my experience it’s with songwriting. I’m learning as I’m going with this obviously, as with anything. There are definitely days where my mind just can’t write and all the melodies I write suck and I get frustrated. Through this I’ve learned you have to embrace the journey and trust the process. Of course we are going to come across mental creative blocks and have to come back to it at a later point. It’s all part of living and doing it. When you feel like failure it’s telling you to fight through learn from it and keep going. These are moments of grief, frustration and sometimes pure annoyance; because we all want to get where we see ourselves and be there already…

We live in a world now where we want things instantly and need them to happen now. We see our peers living and achieving things by a certain age and wonder why aren’t we where we want to be yet? Then we question our path, we question what we did to get to where we are at… and wonder am I doing this right? Am I going to be a failure? But it’s not and we need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves just because of everyone else or just because someone else did what you’re doing at the same age and maybe did it quicker than you. Stop basing your life on other people. Your timeline is your timeline. Your path is your path. You aren’t a failure because you haven’t done something by a certain age. Someone once told me… Give it 5 years and if it doesn’t kick off or happen in 5 years… Go back to your normal day job. Don’t listen to that. Sometimes it might take anywhere from 5-10 years before you notice anything. You have to put in the time, the hard work and persevere and don’t let anyone tell you what you’re doing is wrong or you should be doing this, you should be doing that. People will always tell you what they think you should be doing but what are they doing? Only take this advice from people who can back it up and from people who only want to see you succeed. Constructive criticism is always welcome as well, just know the difference between someone giving you feedback to better yourself and someone just shitting on you in a condescending way to make themselves feel better.

Moral of this post is to Trust the process and I am learning To feel the fear in all the ups and downs and keep your eye on the goal. It’s okay if you fail, just keep going and don’t get stuck in the rut. Learn, Grow, and Conquer. img_3960img_3965img_3966img_3967

Feelings.

Feelings.

 

Today’s blog post is not about fashion, I told you guys I wanted to dive into some deeper thought’s that have been on my mind.. because I’m a very emotional person and I’ve experienced a lot of different feelings this past year, that I feel the need to let off my chest I’ve felt a lot of love and I’ve been through a lot of loss… and a heck of a lot of finding who I am through it all.

I’ve always been the person so willing to give everyone love… no matter what and no matter what the circumstance is. People make mistakes, people are human. It is okay and it’s okay to still love people despite their mistakes. I feel like in our generation nowadays people have the tendency to just cut people off which is fine if you don’t vibe with them, but in other cases when you spend everyday with the same people and all the sudden they cut you off because you aren’t this perfect person or they think they’re all the sudden better than you, it sucks, you guys, but they aren’t the people for you. I’ve been through all kinds of situations and I’ve never been the person to cut people off because I just can’t do that to people no matter what they’ve done to me thus far. I’ve dealt with a lot of self centered egotistical people and that Is not the energy I wanted in my life. A song to describe the feeling I was feeling for more than half the year last year is Breathin’ By Ariana Grande.

I’ve never really talked much about making friends and meeting the right people after completely moving to a new state and knowing literally no one. It’s hard. I thought it was so easy when I first moved down here because I met so many people and so many people that also knew each other.. it’s a big city but it’s small… everyone knows everyone. I kind of got sucked into the wrong crowd.. and when you’re 22 years old trying to find your way in a new big city you think you’re doing everything you can and you want to believe everything you see. Especially when you’re a trusting person like myself. I became heavily influenced by Scottsdale and what I thought was cool, but it was NEVER me. I don’t even know how I met all these people it’s just so bizarre to me, but it happened and taught me several very valuable lessons. Scottsdale is all about clout and all about who has the most expensive things. All anyone is doing is trying to show off, and show off who’s better. They all say they are entrepreneurs.. but they are all literally doing the SAME thing, either selling real estate or selling alcohol. Hahaha. That was a joke. Not really but all Scottsdale is about is the next bottle girl and partying it up in Old Town.

EW. I’ve met several guys out there too, and let me tell you they are all after one thing and they all look the same and want the same girl. It’s disgusting. Not to mention everyone out there stays out there, no one really goes anywhere. But I got sucked into it with a crowd of people who didn’t have my best interest at heart and didn’t really care about real true friendship. Also just to clear the air I don’t drink or do anything of that sort really. So as you can imagine why was I even going out in the first place. Nobody even really dances. A couple months later I got involved with a local community theatre which literally saved the day. I needed that in my life again. That is literally the epitome of who I am as a person and the type of people I want to surround myself with. It removed the haze and made me separate myself from the type of person I don’t wanna be and the type of person I’ve always want to become.

Again I’m going back to making mistakes and being human. People thought I was like everyone else here and I’m truly not.. I was going through a period where I didn’t know and was a little bit naive and too trusting and didn’t really take a step back and realize what was around me. Toxic people and a toxic environment. People have the tendency to misinterpret me ALL the time… and believe me I understand and I get it. What’s kind of shitty is most of it is based off of looks. How can we as a generation, base a whole persons being off of how they look and how they present themselves. How is that possible? This brings me back to what I was saying in one of my Instagram posts about how you can’t ever really truly get to know a person through social media. We all think we really know everything about the people that we follow and we don’t. We can’t. We can’t learn everything about someone through a 15 second video they post. That is literally so minuscule in the scheme of things. People think I’m just another dumb blonde. Just because I’m blonde… and then they get to know me and are like wow I judged you and you’re nothing like what I thought. When is that ever going to end? To really get to know the people around us we have to invest time in those friendships and break away the walls and breakaway the barriers. This is what life is about and most of us are so scared to open up to people and be vulnerable, because we are afraid of getting judged or them not liking us or thinking differently of us. To be honest that is the best part. When we open up to someone and show how weird we actually are and they love us anyway, that’s the BEST kind of friendship/relationship.

As scary as it is being vulnerable with people close to you is one of the best things in life you can share with someone. If you’re that comfortable with that person to be able to open up it’s beautiful thing.. it is a beautiful thing looking into someones mind. I have a few very close friends here now that I trust with my life and they are people who have literally pried open my doors and knocked down every wall that I had because they cared and they wanted to build upon that relationship. When I haven’t been so easy to open up, I’ve always been one to deal with it on my own and not tell everyone what I’m always thinking. Friendships like that are what it’s all about. All this surface level shit that we see on social media is all so fake and I’m just so tired of seeing. I want to see real moments with real genuine people.

We meet very few people in life who quite literally take our breath away. So, remain close to those who quite literally make you feel like sunshine.

“Life is full of disappointments, failures and setbacks. None of those things can permanently stop you. You have the power in you to overcome anything life throws at you. There is nothing more powerful than a made up mind. Surround yourself with people who remind you that you matter, and support you in ways that matter most to you. No person, situation or circumstance can define who you are. Don’t give up, cave in, or stop believing that it’s possible. It’s not over till you win. ”

 

Hot Air Balloon

Hot Air Balloon

 

 

I’m gonna start this post by saying the universe works in mysterious ways.

These past couple weeks of the beginning of the New Year have been very testing. I have gone through lots of moments of stress of not believing in myself and overthinking EVERYTHING. When you want something so bad you literally just feel it in your heart, almost like this burning flame that never goes out. When you decide to pursue something so crazy all this fear sets in and I’m not totally fearful but it’s definitely there. I think mostly it’s just fear mixed with excitement, but there’s also this fear mixed with not wanting to let people down and let myself down. You have to have a lot of faith in yourself and the most important person to believe in you is YOU. You have to block out all the negativity and all the people telling you otherwise and just do it for you.

Today I was wrapping up my singing lesson and driving home and as I was driving home I saw this Hot Air Balloon across the way and I got this weird feeling. It was a good feeling but weird, almost like Nostalgia or De Ja Vu, but not quite either of those either. I’m someone who is greatly affected by energy and astrology and I believe heavily in it, which leads me to believe the universe is always giving you things at moments when you need them the most. I know most of you are going to find this so silly and so weird, but I looked up the Metaphysical meaning behind Hot Air Balloons and here’s what I came upon…

” Hot air balloons are messages of ascension in spiritual form and what is needed at this point. Be open to the changes now happening to you, move forward as you are guided. Opportunities are now coming forward for you to climb aboard. Dreams will begin to flourish and you are ‘asked’ to consider the expansions that are being offered to you.

Do not fear the changes taking place, as these are for your highest good at this time. If you find that any frequency presents itself to you in a way that pulls at your energy rise above it. ”

This explains what I was feeling to the absolute T. If anything I’ve learned in the last couple weeks it’s never ignore signs from the universe. They are trying to tell you something. So listen. Everything that happens is happening to you to make you grow and so you can learn, things in life are either a lesson or a blessing. img_3952img_4179img_3974img_3975img_3985

Rose Colored Glasses

Rose Colored Glasses

I don’t quite know where to begin.

The last couple times I have updated my blog over the last year have been kind of all over the place. I apologize. It’s so easy this day and age how we can all look like we have our lives together on the internet all the time. Believe me when I tell you at the age of 22 now I would like to think I know what I am doing and I always try and stay very positive. Even when I’m really sad/mad/upset I always stay positive, I’ve always been that way. It’s really hard for me to walk around like I have a cloud over my head and always just deal with it on my own or dance, sing and play guitar to release stress and emotions.

This last year has been the hardest year of my life this far. I have learned so much about myself and the kind of people I want to surround myself with. Let me tell you I was surrounding myself with the wrong people. Moving to a completely new state and finding your people is SO HARD. I’ve said this before that I am very trusting and a little bit naive, but that’s genuinely only because I believe everyone is fighting their own battles and are doing the best they can, therefor they are only giving you the best they can. Surround yourself with people who better you as a person and who inspire you to be your best self. When you’re around people that are toxic for you after a while it starts to drain you, it starts to drain your energy and you start to see it in little aspects of your life, like keeping your car clean. Something so simple but take it as a sign that when you finally clean all of that out of your life you feel a big sense of relief and you feel like yourself again. I was around people that were trying to tell me who I should be, what I should wear, what I should sound like…. what I should write my songs about. Don’t get me wrong… constructive criticism is ALL welcome believe me. I’m always asking for feedback and what I can work on, but when people are blatantly telling you stuff to mess with your head and mess with your self esteem because they are just unsure of themselves and need to make them feel better. I was really thinking it was me the whole time too and it was really getting to me and messing with my head. Taking a step back and being around genuine people who were also telling me what I needed to hear was like a HUGE blessing. The amount of motivation that I’ve gained back after releasing all of that from my life is exactly what I was missing. As sucky as it is, we need to go through these things in life to make us realize what we want and what we need.

In this journey through music and putting my heart out into the world… I always no matter what happens I want to remain humble. As cliche as it sounds and I know everyone says it but I’ve seen the ugly side of what happens to people when they reach a little fame in their career and I never want to bring that into my life. That taught me an even bigger lesson than anything, honestly. Everyone that’s worked their ass off deserves that success and I’m so happy for them when they reach it, but when you do and then cut off everyone who’s been there for you and start treating people like you’re the best of the best it’s disheartening. It’s sad. When you’ve been there through thick and thin with people and they just cut you off like no problem but then give you lectures like they also know everything under the sun. It’s so sad. You have to come out of these situations strong though, because before all of this I never had a backbone and I was definitely a pushover. I am thankful now for these experiences because they really shaped the person and artist I am going to be. We are all forever growing and forever learning.

Don’t surround yourself with fake people. Point blank.

Moving onward and upward. To end the year I went out to Nashville and let me tell you guys. This changed my life.. This literally changed my life. I have never felt more at home in my life. I went out there by myself only really knowing one person and it was the best decision I think I’ve made all year honestly. When I got to the city it was such a positive environment that it just took every ounce of creativity out of my bones and threw it into music. I felt like a completely different person in such a good way. The people out there were the nicest people I’ve met all year and I met so many amazing people. The music community was so welcoming and in a place where there is so much competition it was like there was none, I say this because everyone wants to help everybody. It is almost like it was a family out there… with thousands of musicians. I soaked in every second of it and learned so much from every experience.

Hands down the best thing that happened to me this year was out in Nashville I had the opportunity to meet a lady named Jude Johnstone. Jude was the first woman in the industry that I had the pleasure of working with. I sat down with her for a couple hours and she told me countless amazing stories from her experiences in the industry and what to look out for and how she got treated to who she worked with and wrote for… and then to her own music and her creative vision. She then asked me to play a little something I was in the process of writing so I did, then we ended up finishing the song and it couldn’t have been more fulfilling. Jude has worked and written for Stevie Nicks, Johnny Cash, Trisha Yearwood, Bonnie Riatt and many more. I couldn’t believe this. I was quite literally on cloud 9. I can’t even put into words what this taught me and what I learned from it. She was probably the realest person I have ever met.  I can’t wait for you guys to hear this song either. It means SO much to me. The story of this song is about what I’ve talked about in this post and I hope any of you can relate to it.

I left Nashville feeling like a new person. I felt liberated. I felt like I had a sense of myself again. I felt like me. This is the most ME I’ve felt in a long time. This happened at literally the perfect time and when it was much needed. I’ve said this time and time again but everything happens for a reason and this happened just before I embarked on an even bigger journey than I think I even realize. This all happened before I am starting to create what I hope and know is going to be the best album of my life this far. I’ll be keeping you guys updated on the process here. Stay tuned and thank you for staying tuned as many times as I’ve said it.

 

Below are some pictures that were taken in Nashville. It was a dream. A DREAM.

47391863_2115075825225135_7046323195493744640_o

 

img_0830img_0899img_0900img_0921img_0925