Lost In Wonderland.

“There is a place like no place on earth, a land full of wonder, mystery and danger. Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which, luckily I am.”

I seem to escape to this place in my mind where my imagination runs wild and nothing can hurt me there, sort of like that of Alice In Wonderland. I felt greatly inspired by how she basically was told she was crazy for seeing the magic and beauty of her imagination and she came to realize that’s the best way to be and that was who she was all along. She’s strong, she’s resilient, she’s herself, she didn’t try to fit in somewhere she knows she doesn’t belong, she stood out among the crowd and followed her heart, most importantly the world needs her because she’s pure magic just the way she is. We are all so afraid of running out of time, I mean the rabbit always thinks he’s late, but in reality we are all right on time. Everything happens for a reason and we are lead down different paths that lead us to where we need to be anyways. Imagination leads the way to adventure. The beautiful things and ideas inside your head aren’t just in your head, they make you, you.

As we have had more than enough time during quarantine to revisit and reminisce over the last couple years or our entire life as a whole, I’ve realized something very important.

Being your true authentic self is an awfully big task in a world full of judgement. Over the last couple years people have come in and out my life that have in plain sight picked me apart. People have said “you can’t do everything” “you need to pick one thing” “you’re not good enough” “try showing a little more skin” “do this not that” “sing about this not that” “you need to sound like this not how your voice sounds” “You can’t be a content creator and a singer” ect…

This is something that I truly thought that I was being but then as time progressed and I spent more time around these people and listened to what they said whether I did actually listen or was being conditioned at a subconscious level. It got to me after awhile. It really did, I let it get to me and I let it dim down my light.

I’m typically a happy person in who I am and what I love. I’ve always put other people’s happiness before mine. I’ve always been too kind and haven’t stood up for myself enough. I don’t feel as though I have been standing in my real true power over the last while. The time is now where I put myself first. It is a time to be strong and put my love and light back out into the world. I have so much self work and work to do to reach my goals and dreams and it’s going to take ALL of me. 100% of my focus. I’ve let myself get distracted and my dreams have been clouded.

Stepping out of this is NOT easy. I’m writing this because it’s not easy. I’ve sat in a cycle of wanting to heal everyone else but not focus on myself and wanting to be “good enough” for everyone else, except myself. But, let me also say that just because you’re putting yourself first doesn’t mean you stop giving love to the people you love. It doesn’t mean you forget about the ones who have always been there for you at your best and at your worst. It doesn’t mean you leave loved ones behind. Don’t distract yourself and self healing with chaos. Love coming from within you and giving love around you is healing in itself.

“The little girl could not sleep because her thoughts were way too deep, her mind had gone out for a stroll and fallen down a rabbit hole”

 

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